lifestyle

the page i hope you never have to read.

This weekend’s blogpost will be much more different like the usual. This is more personal and more like an open diary that I hope everyone can relate to their life from the short documentary film, ‘the words i hope you never have to hear’ I recently uploaded on my YouTube channel. If you have not watched it, I will give you the precious 5 minutes 13 seconds to have your inner soul awaken. Go, watch it, go, go.

Congratulations you have reached the end of the video. Now I am giving you the time to think whether you would like to move on to the stories behind the short film or to the other blogpost of mine that you find interesting instead of reading this one. Please, just suit yourself, but really, I have written this long why are you leaving?!

Merci beaucoup. That’s all I can say if you are still reading this blogpost. Before starting it all, I will accept all the thoughts that might appear inside your head about me, no, no, I am not thinking negatively about you, I just want to accept and forgive things before I get myself washed into a continuous cycle and kept me in the dark negative loop.

Some people might think that I am a super dramatic and melancholic philanthropist for making a short film with poetic narration about life as if I am the wisest person on this planet earth. Before this thought crosses your mind and gets worse, please allow me to help you understand that this is my choice to share my insight about this situation in purpose to virtually encourage anyone who ever feel this way because I am here, I was once in your shoes and that is okay, you are not alone. Frankly I am nervous and scared too because this is the first time for me to share something personal about my life but I don’t want you to experience this too, so this is the page I hope you never have to read,

I went home too early I supposed. Thirty minutes earlier I almost made the Uber driver confused because of the noise I made in the back seat. But I am glad I managed it well, I still had a pleasant conversation with the Uber driver along the ride in purpose to put my real-self in disguise. As I arrived home, I closed the bedroom door and went to the corner near the balcony. My head was heavy, my eyes were weary, wasting too much energy in the five hours earlier but that night, it began again and there was no one but me. It was silent yet so loud inside of me. That night was a big battle between me and my tangled thoughts. They are like little dirt specks of life, washing over you into a continuous cycle, pulling you into a downward spiral, trying to keep you in a dark negative loop.

2 hours earlier, I just sat there in a sofa corner. Struggling with the tangled strings in mind. Back to my phone again, scrolling over the timeline watching the latest post that got hundreds of likes and comments in a minute and videos with 10 seconds length of how people around me having a great night in that place. They seemed having so much fun, but when I looked up, they just looked down staring at their phone, ignoring each other. We live in a generation where people ignore each other to get each other’s attention.

Everyone was busy capturing moments, socializing, cuddling, drinking, dancing, and we all know that’s how celebration works but my mind was not in the room. Forcing laughter and faking smile, I just could not help it any longer. My soul was screaming for help but no one listened, even me. And that was my mistake, forcing my soul to be the life of the party whilst I was not. 

In a few weeks earlier, people have come and gone, I accepted that. Isn’t that something common? I always think people are just lessons in every single chapter that I write day to day, and that is how I survive. Words don’t mean, people mean. Words are powerful but a person who delivers it make the words become much more powerful. And that person depends on your perspective about them. I am sorry I did not put my guard up when they hurt you with their words, I am sorry for not defending you from their shallow misinterpretations about you.

Well, this is not the end. The days after that night in the corner of my room, I hiked to the pine forest with my best friend. I had always asked her to take me somewhere that bring us closer to nature. My mind was still at its worst thus I needed distraction. Some of my friends that I think I am close with might remember this question, “what if I leave social media? can I do that?”. That is actually a sudden question which they had no idea it would lead to my short isolation, I am wondering what they think by putting the question as an action of social media detox for good and it surprised me. One thing that they asked was, “but are you still communicating?”; “but you need to still reply my message”. I feel like I have a hope and you realize there are still people who genuinely care about you no matter what.

I am a PR student, a blogger and a content writer intern that both work remotely, too hard for me to leave a platform which aligns to my career. I could not thank Allah enough for that. I admit that I always have my phone on my hand, regardless for replying emails, messages, and social media indeed. I have seen so many things on social media that somehow almost caused me into insecurities, loneliness, isolation, and depression. And I had no idea that it would give such a great impact to myself like the words I said in the video. Gladly no one has ever said one of those words to me in the face, but weirdly, it was me, myself. Myself said that to me like million voices screaming in high volume like possessed person you watch in horror movies. I cried but I did not understand why, that was really confusing and torturing. What was the reason? What made you feel so heavy? I don’t know! Don’t ask me that question.

That most likely could bring someone into isolation because they do not know how to answer that questions, they are clueless, don’t give them questions, a simple tight hug, a cheer up, and say it will be okay is more than just enough. Probably that is why they isolate themselves to avoid those kind of questions and let themselves being drowned in silence. Because they think it could help them but actually not. The more I think, isolating myself from circumstances ain’t gonna help me out of it. Talk to the one you trust the most, spill it out, cry it out, it is okay, you are going to pass this phase, now take a deep breath and drink water. These dark thoughts are just your illusions.

This short documentary film is more like the amalgam of events in my life where social media has important role in it. I almost always use this platform to communicate. Too many beautiful things I have seen from it that somehow set my standards about success, happiness, and beauty. Let’s take an example about happiness, I once talked to a kid in a village far from city, “Eating chicken is the best moment in my life!”. He only eats chicken in special occasion whilst I almost eat chicken everyday. This is really sad, it clearly proves that the standard of happiness for everyone is different and it is constructed from the circumstances they live in. These constellation of dark thoughts might explode at the point of time you never expect.

If you ask me why I made this video, I do not know. I am sorry for lying to you that I will give the reasons why, I just do not know. That is just how I express myself, probably through arts. Everyone has their own way to express themselves, and this is how I do it. I want to give positive insight for everyone by telling if you ever feel that way, it will be okay, you are just having a hard time because I know how it feels like and you are not alone. These days might be hard but I believe storms will pass.

Before ending these long paragraphs, if you feel this way, it is completely okay, you are not dramatic if you feel this way, it is just a phase. If you need somebody to talk to, I will be there, whoever you are, you can text me through e-mail, Instagram message, or anything. Remember that you are loved, and you will always be.

And before I take my cue to leave, these are the words i hope they ever have to hear. I have been through a lot until I gladly finally made this short documentary film and there are people whom I need to send my deepest gratitude in the making of this video. I wanted to send my deepest gratitude to my best friend Alin for helping and accompanying me making this video, Connor Franta as the author of Note to Self book which has given me inspiration and courage from his writing, my sister for hugging me  so tight in the hours before that horrible night, people I met that night who had time to always keep me up with the conversation and those who were somehow aware with the heavy look on my face I unfortunately could not hide, Rose whom I called that night and willingly listened to my tangled thoughts then put my laughter back which I needed the most, my friends I could not mention one by one who always give me support. If you are curious to watch how I made the film, watch the behind the scene here because the making is probably not as sad as you might have thought hehe! Come on, put a little laughter on your face, that looks beautiful, now go and see the world outside because they await for you. Thank you for reading this long, it means the world to me.

chia.

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Beatitude

July Beatitude 2017

July has come to an end where things should be getting better and better. I suppose. Speaking of July, I think this month was a month full of surprises. Many things happened which I had to take the lessons from the fine thin line of happiness and sorrows.

And I guess there was no regret since I decided to minimize my intensity in using social media due to some factors where I cannot be able to stand with the social judgment which have been happening nowadays but don’t worry! I can’t leave the life of blogging since this is a place where I belong and I am so passionate in writing.

Okay, let’s start with the things that havee been a good friend to me sin July. Here goes the first one,



Dead Roses. It might look scary yet satisfying to me! I don’t really understand why I like collecting dead flowers, especially roses, and I find their beauty when it gets old. They just look very authentic and it gets prettier as I leave them to die each day. 



Goldy Shadow. I have always loved this eyeshadow from NYX and I just love it so much to elevate the color of my eyes.

Taking Hollywood by Shari King. I remember I got this book from the biggest book bazzar in Indonesia. I got a half price of the original one which I really found it totally satisfying!

Actually I have not finished reading it but I am so excited to find the ending of this book. This book is about scandals in Hollywood within the life of renowned celebrities.

I have always been a sucker of American Indies. One of the songs that I cannot stop listening to is Poison by Luhx. At first to be honest I didn’t find this song really catchy but the more I listen to it, the more I understand the meaning behind this song. This song is really deep and thoughtful where this song explains that you cannot get over someone because he seems more like a poison and the cure at the same time so you keep coming back to him.

So, that’s all I have so far for July Beatitude 2017. I don’t want to lie to my readers, honestly I have been having a hard battle with my life and I have not found the right words to describe how perplexed I am with this situation. But I believe I surely will be fine, I love you if you have reached this part. Thank you so much for reading because that means a world to me. 

But before I take my cue to leave, whatever is upsetting you right now, it will be okay. Just keep being kind to others and never let yourself locked in your room on your own. Have a great weekend! Xx

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Beatitude, fashion

VLOG | Afternoon Coffee at Giyanti Coffee Jakarta

I am so glad that I finally reached to the point where I don’t need to get overthink about papers anymore, yes, semester break is coming already!

This time as a part of Beatitude section, I will now be adding more content with vlog named Her Journal. This week’s vlog is Afternoon Coffee which took place in Giyanti Coffee Jakarta. Kindly watch the video below,

I hope you enjoyed the video as much as I did when making it😋 I really love the ambience in that coffee shop near Menteng because they really have perfect lighting for pictures and the air itself is not that hot though Jakarta’s weather has always been a mess with its pollution.

I ordered for the cold latte and hot latte at the same time which are the best companion for afternoon coffee.

Here is the way to the entrance as you have seen on the vlog. Very rustic, very authentic.

For the outfit itself, actually I just came from Jakarta City Hall for the opening ceremony of Jakarta Model United Nations 2017. Thus my outfit seemed quiet formal yet I tried to combine it as casual as possible. For the shirt inside, I got it from Cotton Ink whilst the leather outer from Zara.

For the patterned trouser, I got it from The Executive. I have always loved this trouser because patterned bottom always elevates the way someone’s dresses. For the mini leather bag, I got it from Pedro. Watch from Fossil and the pointed black flat shoes from Mango.

So, that’s all I got for this weekend. A vlog and a fashion inspiration which I hope could be the preference of you weekend. What do you guys think? Ever been to Giyanti or probably ever been to MUN simulation? Share what you think below and have a great weekend! 🙂


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beauty

Easy Steps I Do to Cover Up Dark Eyebags

Hello, guys! Glad to be back to this lovely weekend. Honestly I have always been bothered with the dark circles on my eyebags and it really gives me the look that brings people to question, “Are you tired?” or even “My God, you look so tired, you don’t need to study that hard”. Phew!

One thing that I always run to is concealer and foundation. They are totally my lifesaver to at least minimize the dark circles I have. This time I am going to show you how I do my make up for my eyebags to cover up these annoying dark circles. Let’s get started!

First thing’s first, here are my weapons to combat the war. Sounds too much? Haha! I will explain you further as the tutorial starts with this one.

Matte Lip Liquid. You might find it weird but this is actually my own trick to cover up the dark circles since I don’t use darker shade like orange color for concealer. I am more comfortable using The Body Shop Crete Carnation Matte Lip Liquid as the first coverage.

Make 3 thin dots and apply them around the dark circles with silicone beauty blender.

I am more comfortable with silicone beauty blender rather than sponge beauty blender because sponge more absorbs the makeup and I find my makeup gets more wasted but not for silicone one.

Concealer. I am using Revlon Colorstay concealer number 03 Light Medium. This is my first time using Revlon’s concealer since I used to stick with L’Oreal but actually they are pretty similar.

I usually make 3 dots under my eyebags. And then I slide the applicator to draw a triangle shape of the applied concealer. Why triangle? It makes the shade look more saturated with the color of your skin and more youthful by higlighting the front area of your face.


After that, rub the applied concealer with a silicone beauty blender to saturate the shade into the color of your skin.

Foundation. I am using Lancôme Mat Miracle 24H. Besides for the whole shade on my face, it actually works out to cover up the dark circles after concealer.

Apply the liquid foundation with the silicone beauty blender as adequate as possible. Remember this foundation is just to thicken the shade of the previous concealer.

Powder. For finishing touch, I am using Chanel Natural Finish Loose Powder. I really love its smooth texture, they are just perfect!

Apply the loose powder around your eyes and cheeks. But actually you can apply it all over your face since it is a loose powder for finishing touch.

And done! Although it doesn’t really cover up the big circles since my eyebags are quite major but it now looks more blended in with my skin.

I hope this eyebags trick could also help you getting rid of the dark circles. They are just really annoying, aren’t they?

Do you have the same problem as mine? And how do you cover it up? Let’s share your experience, I’d like to know more about you guys. Thanks for reading!


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beauty

The Body Shop Haul Including NEW Lip Matte Liquid

I was recently bumped into The Body Shop store nearby and found some new babies. Not literally babies. Make-ups are the babies.

I was actually looking for a compact powder since I ran out of it and it cried me a river. Kidding! It was also my first time using compact powder from the Body Shop and I thought I was going to give it a review along with another babies too.

Lip Matte Liquid – Crete Carnation 030

The first thing that I would like to review before all is their latest Lip Matte Liquid. They just launched this new type of matte liquid and I wanted to try it out. Its texture is slightly soft, the scent is really sweet which I love the most, but unfortunately I think this is not the best product they have. It doesn’t get matte on my lips that quick and doesn’t really last that long but I still like it to use it at college, home or somewhere around not too far from the neighborhood. It costs for $10.

Osaka Plum Matte 429

But this one is different. It gets matte really quick and lasts quiet longer. I love how it matches with the texture of my lips and its red wine color which I have always wanted. Its textures itself is pretty smooth and I recommend this one for Body Shop’s lipstick.

All-In-One Face Base 052

Finally the savior of my college life has arrived. This is the first time I started to use Body Shop’s powder compact, I am not disappointed to purchase this product since I am head over heals in love with its sophisticated packaging. It also absorbs face oils which could help my skin look fine for the whole day.

Rainforest Radiance – Detangling Spray for Colored Hair

This hairspray has been a good friend to me since highschool since I used to have colored hair though right now I am wearing hijab. I like using this hairspray after shower to keep my hair hydrated though I know the main purpose of its hairspray is to maintain colored hair to stay longer.

Drops of Youth – Youth Bouncy Sleeping Mask

Actually this one is a sample I got from the shopkeeper. Drops of Youth is also The Body Shop’s latest product to be best applied before sleep. It is sort of vitamin to keep your skin hydrated. It felt refreshing as I rubbed it around my face skin and I think I would like to have some more.

That’s all I have got from this week’s shopping haul with The Body Shop. Have you ever tried any of these yet? If yes, tell me what you think and let’s have a conversation in the comment box below. Have a great weekend, loves!


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Beatitude

June Beatitude 2017

June has come to an end. Time has flown really fast, hasn’t it?

I would like to say Happy Mubarak to all Muslims who are still celebrating it around the world, we finally finished Ramadhan and I hope we could earn lessons from the sacrifices we have been through in Ramadhan this year.

As usual, this time I am going to show you things that I used the most yet also my favorite things in June. These small things really gave me small joys which I loved it so much!



Floral Shoes
. Honestly I unintentionally found it in Stradivarius and it felt like the most fascinating hidden gem I have ever discovered. Haha! I loved wearing this shoes for strolling around the malls, as long as it is indoors.

Rustic Necklace. I don’t know I just loved this necklace that much though I almost barely wore it since I had not had specific ocassion that matched with this necklace. I got it in et cetera when I was looking for a blazer for MUN simulation.

The Diary of Anne Frank. Here’s to the legendary girl who wrote a diary about how horrors of war in 1942 with Nazis occupying Holland until this 13 year old Jewish girl fled their home in Amsterdam and went into hiding.

Her legendary diary was disovered in the attic in which she spent the last years of her life. I totally recommend this book because it really gave me goosebumps while reading it.

And this is the song that I almost listened to every day in June. Bridges by Broods gave me shimmer into my spine. The lyrics really told the listeners about how rushy relationship turned into an abusive relationship until they decided to burn down the bridges.

I think that’s all I have for June Beatitude 2017. I hope these small beatitudes may also give you inspirations and insights. What are your favorite things in June?


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beauty

Local Beauty Brand from Bali for Coffee Enthusiast

Hello! It’s good to be finally back to another weekend because I have got something to show you, especially for those who are fond of coffee that much.

I recently received some products from local beauty brand in Bali, Kohvee Story. They are beauty products originally made from coffee and I was informed that their products contain antioxidant, detoxifier, anti-inflammatory, and absolutely the strong scent of coffee.

Honestly this is the first time for me to wear beauty products made from coffee so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try one, would it?

Coffee Skin Moisturizer

Skin moisturizer has always been the first thing to satisfy my desire in maintaining my skin health. I have heard a lot that caffeine is good for skin, especially in protecting from UV radiation. The first time I applied this product and rubbed it all over my arms and legs, I fell in love with the strong coffee scent and how it saturated with the skin.

For the texture itself, I found it a bit oily and too fluid as I expected it more dense. However I love how my skin starts to smell like coffee and feels smoother after applying it. I use this product twice a day for better result.

Coffee Cleansing Oil

And this is my favorite one because it is a multifunction product where it can be used for face massage and makeup remover which I believe everyone should have this one especially for traveling because you can get two products with two different functions at once.

I usually massage my face with this cleansing oil with two pumps once per three days, it feels very satisfying for relaxation after a long day of school and work. The result on my face this far, it feels smoother and I just love how it soothes my skin that quick.

I think that’s all I have about Kohvee Story. Honestly I totally recommend their products, especially the coffee cleansing oil since that is my favorite one. Have you ever tried it before? If not, would you? Tell me what you think below and share your thoughts with the world!

Have a great weekend and I also would like to send my deepest regards to you who are going to celebrate the Eid Mubarak tomorrow, I hope you all have a great time with your family. Happy holiday! ❤


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beauty

ESQA Lip Matte Liquid You Should Try

Hello! Since I wanted to try to post more than one blogpost in a week, I thought this week would be the right time to start with. I belive it is the third week of Ramadhan for all Muslims, so I would like to send all my prayers to those who are fasting. May you have courage and health to get through Ramadhan ❤

Soo, I was recently bumped into a local beauty brand from Indonesia named ESQA and I thought I had to share it with you because you really need to try it out too! I tried one of their makeups, the Lip Matte Liquid. Look at these two beautiful babies smiling from your screen,

Let’s see what we got here, I got two shades consist of Dusty Pink and Berry Kiss. The bold one and the nude one. Which one do you prefer? Let’s get started with the nude one.

Dusty Pink

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In the first glance, I found this shade was totally as nude as the color of my lips. But as I slid the applicator on my lips, I felt thick and smooth textures crashed in bringing the soft color of pink.

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The pigmentation is really good, and you only need one swipe of the deeper colors to get opaque coverage. It lasts quite longer for approximately 5 hours without heavy meals.

Berry Kiss

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And this is the bold one and also the best seller one, simply the color is dark purple yet not that dark. A bit lighter but in the perfect pantone of dark purple.

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This color has always been my favorite because it looks stand out and makes your teeth look whiter. For the pigmentation and the coverage itself are still the same as the Dusty Pink.

I started to love this product because it doesn’t accentuate any dryness or lines on lips. If you love matte lipsticks but want something comfortable and non-drying, these are totally made for you!

Therefore, I do recommend these for you. Hope it gives you more insights for your beauty preference, have a great weekend!


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beauty, Latest Posts

Mysterious Fragrances for Mysterious Women

You can tell how mysterious it looks from its package. They are black, sophisticated, and classy. I believe every woman on earth would crave for this kind of fragrance. Especially women who like to leave their trace behind mysteriously and disappear into the mist like those scenes you have always seen in movies.

I got these super sophisticated fragrances then decided to compile and compare them to see the most mysterious fragrance between them all based on my experience. Let’s get started with the first scent.


Jasmin Noir by Bvlgari

Noir is a word from French meaning black. You can see the package gets more sophisticatedly mysterious with its name. The scent definitely smells like jasmine since the name is Jasmin and the reason why it is noir or black because somehow I can smell an addictive (in a good way) tension for those people who smell this scent when the woman passes by with this perfume. It is mysterious and you really need to try it by yourself. This fragrances lasts super longer, it can stay on your skin for almost 8 hours but after 5 hours, the scent started to fade away. However it still depends on the room temperature you are in.


Good Girl by Carolina Herrera New York

From its appearance, I consider this fragrance wins because it gives a perception of classy sassy and a bit smart assy despite the name is Good Girl. The scent smells like peach and light at first actually which I thought it would give more mysterious smell. This fragrance lasts quiet long for approximately 5 hours in humid temperature.

Black Orchid by Tom Ford

The first time I sprayed it on my wrist, it smelled really strong and a bit minty to me. But after five minutes, its scent slowly changed into something elegant and smooth. This fragrance has the hardest scent to be described and that’s why it smells mysterious. From its package, it looks simply black and I am sure it represents its mystery fragrance.

From three fragrances I reviewed, I think the best fragrance in representing its mysterious scent is Jasmin Noir by Bvlgari. Not only smells mysterious, it smells really alluring and addicting which defines the meaning of belleza. The second place is Black Orchid by Tom Ford and the third place is Good Girl by Carolina Herrera. Honestly it was quiet hard to describe each smell of these perfumes and I tried my best to find words that could be interpreted easily for you. I hope you like this review and I hope it inspires you enough for your perfume collection. Thanks for reading, have a great weekend! 🙂


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Beatitude

May Beatitude 2017

I think a little throwback won’t hurt, will it?

Time has passed really fast, earth has revolved for million of times, and here you are still breathing and reading this page. Let’s take a moment to be a little grateful of things that we have had, pennies that we have earned, and loves that we have received.

Honestly this is the first time I started to write about things that I simply adore for each month and I thought May would be a great month to start with. I have several things that had been the most used stuff in May, I just loved it so much and I wanted to share it with you.

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True Blue Spa from Bath & Body Works has a very refreshing scent which could captivate you in tropical ambience. This refreshing citrus body scrub has sugar crystals textures which could tickle your skin. I might say this scrub is different than the others because of its unique textures.

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Although it might look a bit watery inside but you can still find the abundance of sugar crystals inside. This is funny but honestly, it smells like lemon you might have always smelled in toilets at mall or perhaps your lemon car scent. However I still love this one.

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Ocean Blue Mist from Candle-Lite has been a super good friend for accompanying my whole weekend in May. Its calming and sweet scent really matches with True Blue Spa scrub. Just ignite the candle and breathe as much as you want to.

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I think my life has always been filled with books. Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close is a book about how a group of girls start worrying their marriage since they feel like everyone they know is getting married. This book tells the readers in three different perspectives where you need to be super sane that you are actually shifting into a different perspective. Why so? Because sometimes I never realized that I was actually shifting into Lauren’s perspective though Close uses third party point of view.

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This National Bestseller book has a very interesting way in delivering the humors which you can relate so much thus it is really recommended to fill your weekend.

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My favorite song in May is I Like Me Better by Lauv. Its unique instrument which sounds like Persian flute (perhaps?) is really ear-catching and Lauv’s soothing voice really stimulates the song into a perfect combination. I remember the first time I heard Lauv’s song ‘Comfortble’ was from Connor Franta’s compilation ‘Common Culture’.

Those are my favorites in May 2017. I had so much fun writing this blogpost and I hope you enjoyed reading this too. What are your favorite stuffs in May? Tell me yours and let’s have a conversation in the comment box below. Have a great weekend! ❤


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